My second husband, 86, and I have 12 children between us. He wants me to leave everything to him and says that he will pass the inheritance to my 5 children.

My second husband, previously divorced, is 86 years old and has been putting off creating a trust for 10 years. We have 12 children between the two of us, and he wants to leave all his property to me, and then everything to his 7 children after my death.

The problem is that he wants to leave the house to his children, but he says that if I survive him I can live in it or rent somewhere if I want to move. You would have to spend a lot of money on rent with the way the costs keep going up. In those circumstances, there is also the possibility that I may have to leave this area because I cannot maintain the property, or continue to drive long distances for medical appointments and shopping.

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“‘All of her children have their own huge, beautiful houses and lots of money.’ ”

Is there a way to set up a trust for me to live in the house and, if I choose or sell the house if necessary, buy another more convenient place to live and then leave that place to your children? ? Also, could her 7 children force me to move if I could still live in the house? All of her children have their own huge, beautiful houses and lots of money. I’m not sure they appreciate having to sell this house or keep it and pay taxes with no one living in it. If I sold the house, I would make sure to reinvest the sale amount elsewhere and the children would not lose money. I have invested money in this house for the 28 years that I have lived here, but that fact seems to escape my husband. The other problem: I have my own separate retirement; This is the money that he hopes I will leave him if I pass before him. He probably won’t need anything to live, but he intends to leave what is left of my investments to my children when he dies. Currently, some of my accounts are set up with my husband as the primary beneficiary and my children as secondary. Other accounts name my husband and children as equal beneficiaries. I trust that my husband will manage my investments and help my children if they need it, but if it all goes to him, I am not sure that my children will receive money after his death. Wife and Mother You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions related to the coronavirus at Dear Wife and Mother: Not making a trust and leaving your savings to your husband means that your 5 children will depend on the kindness of your husband in case he passes away before him, and you will trust the kindness of your husband’s children in the event he passes away before you. Whose goodness does your husband trust? It appears that the entire trust is going in one direction in this non-succession plan. Your letter refers to trust and confidence, or the lack of it. You trust your husband, but do you really? And does he trust you? Your husband could give you a lifetime property in the home, but moving out would present complications. Living in the house for the rest of your life, assuming the mortgage is fully paid, would be a good result, and it is not always possible to have all the options available to you. If your husband bought this home before your marriage and you have contributed in some way to the home improvements, it may have been transferred from separate property to community property.

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“’This looks like a card game where you’re looking over your respective hands, with neither of you calling the other’s bluff.’ “- The Moneyist

Trusts can dictate the timing of asset distribution, as well as provide heirs with income in a wide range of eventualities. “Trusts can include custom provisions that will ensure that an individual’s intentions are clearly articulated and followed, including instructions given to a trustee or discretion given to a trustee if desired,” says Eva Victor, senior vice president and director of planning. estate at Girard in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania. “Trusts are also inherently flexible tools.” Her husband, meanwhile, is saying, “Trust me instead of trust.” Likewise, your proposal to sell your house, assuming it is a separate property from your husband, asks your husband’s children to trust you. This looks like a card game where you are looking over your respective hands, with neither of you bluffing the other. Whatever it is, it is not estate planning. You trust that your husband will take care of your investments, you write, but you don’t think he will do well with your children. Hire a mediator, probate attorney, and / or financial planner to review your retirement accounts and assets. The final sentence of your letter tells you exactly what to do. The Moneyist: I am a farmer in my 30s, I live a frugal lifestyle, and my son has a disability. Should I pay more on my mortgage or save for retirement? Hello MarketWatchers. Take a look at Moneyist’s private FB Facebook group, + 3.43%, where we search for answers to life’s thorniest money problems. Readers write to me with all kinds of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or comment on the latest Moneyist columns. By submitting your story to Dow Jones & Company, the publisher of MarketWatch, you understand and agree that we may use your story, or versions of it, on all media and platforms, including third parties.