My boyfriend of 10 years and I met because I was his tenant. He is 25 years older than me. I agreed to continue paying the rent because he told me that I would keep the house when he died. To be fair, I wasn’t going to be able to move either because rents in my area started to skyrocket, and as a young single mother I wanted to work part time so I could take care of my (then) young son.
“’He became part of my commissions without telling me. He also started treating me like an employee and not like a partner. ‘ ”
At the time, this arrangement was fine because it was discussed that the rent money would be used to renovate the house, converting it into a single house to share. But he quit his day job and lived off the money. Then he began to be part of my commissions without notifying me. He also started treating me like an employee and not like a partner. This was all very disturbing and we have had many difficult conversations about his behavior. Since the pandemic, we have had to close our businesses and he has had to go back to work. I started a clothing company in 2019, but the pandemic affected that business as well, so I have been living off unemployment benefits. I have congenital heart disease and I am not comfortable looking for work until I have been vaccinated. I have not paid rent since August 2020. Helped long term tenants to occupy short term rent as well as labor to prepare property for occupancy. I’ve begged my boyfriend to sit down with me and look at the numbers. Not once has he been willing to show me the mortgage, taxes, and insurance payments, nor have we had a real discussion about money. Every time I mention it, the conversation ends with the promise of something that will happen in the future. However, I don’t think any of that will happen anymore. Every time I feel like we’ve come to an understanding, he will say or do something that contradicts him, leaving me very confused.
If I had known then what I know now, I would never have gotten involved with this man, and the two businesses we started together would never have happened. I am concerned that with the real estate market as it is now, you will be tempted to sell one or both properties without consulting me. Since we don’t have a paper deal, I wonder how I can protect myself from losing this deal. They have made me believe that I am making investments with my time and money. Six months ago, I was very frustrated and made some spreadsheets: one documenting the rent I paid for the last 10 years, another for all the unpaid work, and another documenting everything I felt he had paid for me (which I did not pay for). its alot). I sent it to him and explained that I felt he did not value my contributions, and he complained that I had “sent him a bill.” I didn’t think of it that way, but rather as a negotiating tool for what I felt like I had invested in business, property, and ultimately our relationship. We live in Louisiana and although we have never made any formal arrangements, we have been in a monogamous and committed relationship for over a decade. I want to protect myself in case this relationship ends, either through separation or premature death (mine or his), but I don’t know what influence I have legally. Any thoughts or advice you have are welcome. Feeling Exploited The Moneyist: We were friends with our neighbors for decades, until recently. One day we were introduced to your financial advisor … You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions related to coronavirus at firstname.lastname@example.org Dear exploited: You both live in the same house and work side by side , but you are also living in alternate worlds. Yes, you are in a committed monogamous relationship, but you are not fully committed to the same things. You are committed to helping him start your business and turn your property into a profitable company, while living there with below-market rent and dreaming of a future where you get married and combine all your financial assets. He is committed to you helping you start your business and turn your property into a profitable company, while living there with below-market rent, never telling you directly not to dream of a future where you get married and get married. Mix everyone. of your financial assets. He has a girlfriend and an employee whom he pays with promises and kindness and commissions until he decides that he wants them for himself. It is a mutual benefit for him.
“You are in a committed, monogamous relationship, but you are not fully committed to the same things. “- The Moneyist
This is more of a cat and mouse game than a love story. If they were partners in business or life, there would be something on paper. There is nothing written. That is not an oversight or something that belongs on a “to do” list. That is completely by design. When you wrote, “He quit his day job and lived off money instead,” I thought, ‘Well, of course he did.’ You should judge people not by their dreams or promises, but by their actions. I do not believe that you are a victim at all of their financial embezzlement or romantic petty crimes, and I urge you not to see yourself as such. It will help you see your part. You knew nothing was committed to the role. He was not an employee or a partner, and he cannot “steal” a commission if he does not have a legal position. You say you would never have been in a relationship with him if you knew then what you know now. But he only had to be obfuscated once to reveal himself. Your boyfriend looks more like a lazy scoundrel than a sophisticated con man. His growing impatience was, I suspect, a confirmation of what he had known all along. Your doubts grew, but the evidence was there very early for you to see and act on. He showed you who he was from the beginning. Ask yourself why you accepted this. Was it a lower rent at a vulnerable time in your life, company, romance, and / or the promise of financial security?
“He can wait for another decade or more. It costs you nothing to do that. He has all the cards. ”
He can wait for another decade or more. It costs you nothing to do that. He has all the cards. Sure, you can feign outrage: “How could you be so rude as to calculate every last red penny? It has reduced our 10 years to these unseemly transactions. I thought it meant more to you than that! “Or:” This is not the right time to push me about marriage, especially when you seem terribly unhappy and we are in the midst of a pandemic. If you feel this way, why are you staying? Here’s one way this could be shaken: He finally reaches his breaking point, perhaps threatening to leave him, his home, and his businesses. Finally you walk out the door, silently waiting for him to regain consciousness and realize what he’s about to lose. And then ? Again, he takes the path of least resistance, shows him who he is for the last time, and does exactly what he has done for 10 years to advance this partnership and business relationship – nothing. The Moneyist: My wife has homeschooled to our son and the son of our best friends since September due to COVID-19. Is it too late to get the money? Hi MarketWatchers. Check out Moneyist’s private Facebook FB group, -1.53%, where we look for answers to dine problems thorniest river in life. Readers write to me with all kinds of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or comment on the latest Moneyist columns.