‘I am a hostage in my own home’: my husband’s son lives with us. It is physically abusive and threatening.

When will I receive my stimulus check? I’m one of the 35 million people waiting, and I sent in my 2019 tax return this month

I am married, but my house is only in my name. When I bought it in 2010, I was the only one eligible to apply for a mortgage because my husband had a temp job, having been laid off in the recession.

My old house, which I bought when I was single, had substantial equity. But I was unable to sell it right away, due to the necessary repairs and lack of funds to do them while my husband worked sporadically. Later I took a loan from my retirement fund to pay for the repairs. When the old house was sold, the money was used to refinance and pay the mortgage on the current house, again in my name. I am the one who pays the home mortgage. (We live in Georgia).

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“‘I’m the one who pays the home mortgage.’ ”

My husband is 62 and I am 61. We both have chronic health problems, although I have had more serious hospitalizations such as pulmonary embolism, pneumonia, spinal fluid leak, etc. My husband’s son is almost 29 years old and still lives with us. He doesn’t pay rent or contribute much to household chores, and he’s an extremely irritating total bum, as well as disrespectful, rude, physically and mentally abusive, and particularly threatening to me. Sorry, but that’s the truth of the matter. I feel like I am a hostage in my own home, that he treats like a garbage man. Because my stepson has mental health problems, my husband believes that we cannot kick him out of the house until he can support himself. I am concerned that my husband will outlive me, and while I have no problem with my husband receiving the house if I die first, I am strongly opposed to my stepson eventually inheriting my house under any circumstances. How can I structure my will to enforce my wishes regarding my home to prevent it from being inherited by my stepson? Trapped You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions related to the coronavirus at qfottrell@marketwatch.com Dear Trapped: Let’s talk about the here and now before we talk about what happens after you are gone. You are in a House of Danger and surrounded by the Wall of Trauma. You need a team to deal with the effects of living with a man who is a bully and a perpetrator of elder abuse, and then you can deal with your life situation and his. Once you start to break down the walls of your own fear and abuse with the help of an attorney, financial planner, doctors, and therapist, you will be able to deal with the physical problem of what happens to your home before your husband. But why focus on making sure this man doesn’t inherit your home? I agree that you should do everything in your power to make that happen, but you could have another 10, 20 or more years left, so why suffer because your husband can’t or won’t kick you out? You don’t have to live with abuse. There is no excuse for abuse. It’s time to end your stepson’s free horror rule in your home. You have the right to live safely and happily.

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“What happens to your home after you are gone is an important consideration to you. However, given what you’ve revealed in your letter, it should be way down on your priority list. “- The Moneyist

Georgia is an equitable distribution state. For example, “both spouses generally own some property despite not being named on the deed,” according to Abbott & Abbott, a law firm with offices in Marietta and Canton, Ga. Talk to an estate planning attorney about whether you can leave your husband with a lifetime property (he lives there after you die, but does not own the house), since you paid for a house that you brought into this marriage and used the earnings to buy a new one. Contact Georgia Adult Protective Services to report abuse and find an organization that can help you navigate the last years of your life to be free from harassment and abuse. Talk to a lawyer, financial planner, therapist, doctor, and even the police if necessary. You didn’t sign up for this when you got married and the price you paid shouldn’t have been a peaceful life. If your husband stands by and allows this to happen, you are helping to facilitate your stepson’s abusive behavior. Your husband or stepchild is unlikely to change. But you can take steps to ensure that you wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night feeling safe in your own home. What happens to your home after you are gone is an important consideration to you. However, given what you’ve revealed in your letter, it should be way down on your priority list. I think you can do it, and with the right amount of outside support I’m sure you’ll start to believe that too. About one in four 65-year-olds will live more than 90 years, and one in 10 will live more than 95 years, according to the Social Security Administration; more than half of those who reach 65 will need some kind of long-term care. You don’t want to be in a position where both your health and your husband’s have deteriorated to such a degree that you are dependent and at the mercy of your stepson. Unless you force your stepson to move, you will never leave. The time for action is now. The Moneyist: When my parents died, my sisters and I divided their estate. I chose a painting that can be worth $ 50,000. Should I tell them? Hello MarketWatchers. Take a look at Moneyist’s private FB Facebook group, -0.54%, where we look for answers to life’s thorniest money problems. Readers write to me with all kinds of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about or comment on the latest Moneyist columns.